Just Say NO! Keep Your Family Out of Your Pockets!

Alright #MoneyChat’ers, below is the transcript from our chat about keeping your family out of your pockets! What do you do when family continues to borrow without paying you back. What a great discussion! There are a few extra questions we weren’t able to get to, add your tips in the comments!


Q1. Everyone in the family takes care of my youngest sister who she can’t keep a job. How do I say no without family drama?

There seems to always be one in many families who gets a pass on being financially responsible, I have no idea why. One suggestion is to call a family meeting, share that you will no longer be able to contribute in order to meet your financial goals. This will eliminate even being asked by one of them to help your sister out. You can also have a private conversation with your sister, tell her how much you love her and can provide moral support only from now on. Now, that’s not to say there won’t still be some family drama behind your decision, but at least it will be well known.

Q2. How do I get my hubby to stop paying our 25 year old daughter’s $750 month rent, even though she’s working full time can afford it?

Wow, that takes ‘daddy’s girl’ to a whole new level, you guys need to have a serious heart to heart! Number one, if you have voiced the fact that you aren’t in agreement, he shouldn’t be doing it. Yes, my hands are on my hips! I know, in perfect world right? Anyway, show him what else you all could do with that money, additional investing, business, vacations, do the MATH!

Let him know again that you and he should be on the same page and you are in disagreement with this. Tell him you SERIOUSLY need him to stop because it’s not teaching your adult daughter responsibility. If that doesn’t work, get a 3rd party involved, if not a family member who can reason with him, definitely get counseling.

Q3. My parents live with me, have no retirement and I take care of all their expenses – I have 6 siblings, how can I get them to chip in?

Try asking each of them to be responsible for an expense, prescriptions, clothes, meals, entertainment, etc. Be honest about the drain on your finances and that you need more financial support to properly care for them. Mail them an itemized monthly list of your parent’s expenses, whether they help you with them or not. People will only do what they want to, you can’t make them and there’s no sense in getting mad about it. I’d keep asking for the help, but I wouldn’t depend on it.

Q4.  Since I’m the one everyone in the family comes to for money, should I just build it into my budget?

That may sound crazy, but if giving to your family regularly is a lifestyle – then yes! That way it’s not a strain on your finances. A more important question is if you are enabling them by doing this and taking away from growing your own money? Borrowing once in a while is one thing, IF you get it back. But to constantly supply someone with money who is clearly not getting better at handling their finances is a problem for both of you.

Q5. I recently received a large settlement and don’t want to share, how do I keep it a secret?

Whenever anyone comes ‘into’ money, you can tell by the things they talk about. All of a sudden you can just go on a vacation next week? Oh, you just bought a new, top of the line laptop… mmm….. hmmm. Buy things gradually as if it’s part of your normal spending; don’t announce your shopping or what you bought. In fact don’t talk about money at all.  If you have debt, knock that out first, invest, save, have some fun. But do think about the people who have helped you and definitely pay back anyone you may have borrowed money from.

Q6.  My mate gets upset becauseI give money to my mom each month, she needs it and we have it to give. How can I get them on the same page?

If you can afford it, there has to be another reason your mate is upset, maybe they don’t truly understand her needs? Is the amount you give over what she really needs, have a conversation and maybe you can negotiate the amount you give with your spouse. Discuss how important it is to you that you take care of your parents and would do the same for theirs. Again – when money affects relationships, I highly recommend counseling before it is destroyed. You can become resentful that they aren’t as passionate as you are about helping your mom if it isn’t dealt with.


Share your family money story, did you get your money back? I mean, even SOME of your money?




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Dorethia Kelly, MBA is the president of Conner Financial Coaching, LLC, providing results-oriented personal finance and business coaching services. She is also the founder of the popular #MoneyChat personal finance blog, themoneychat.com and online Twitter chat hence the inspiration for... #MoneyChat THE BOOK! How to Get Out of Debt, Manage Your Money and Create Financial Security! Get your copy on Amazon today!

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